It is with great fear that I must solemnly inform you that Canada is no longer a safe refuge from the masses of zombies set to take over the US within the next decade. Unfortunately, a new breed of zombie has been discovered that occurs only in frigid temperatures.
As you may know, zombies do not have a regular blood flow and, theoretically, freeze when the air temperature is below 32 degrees F. Although this is only speculation at this point, it continues to be a topic of inquiry and research among America's top scientific minds. This has led the people of North America to believe that Canada may be the safest place to spend the zombie apocalypse despite its inherent uncoolness.
As I mentioned above, a new breed of zombie has been discovered that could make "Plan Canada" even worse than "Plan Run as Fast as You Can." I was able to see these new zombies in person and snapped a quick picture on my phone as I booked it out of there.
That's right, folks. ZOMBIE SNOWMEN!!! These little guys were happy mini snowmen until a second snowfall buried them alive. This traumatic end caused each of their snowman remains to become reanimated, thus: snowman zombies.
I would advise that conversations concerning the zombie apocalypse turn away from "Plan Canada" and turn toward "Plan Portable Hairdryer."
Sincerely,
Me
